So, anyway. The spud on the right is Billy Bag.

Billy is a sneaky, fibbing, conniving, self centred little kid. So nothing odd there.

However, Billy possesses a bag of amazing power. From this bag, he can pluck almost anything. Picture the scene. Billy is sitting watching KRAZY KILLING KOALAS KARTOON SPEKTAKULARtm on 24 HR CARTOONERAMA, when he fancies a herring and chocolate spread sarnie. In goes the hand into the bag, out comes the sandwich.

“So what”, you say. “I could do that”. Yeah, but can you also pull out something as enormous as a spaceship complete with optional big bits? I don't think so smartypants. So stop talking back and carry on reading.






Now we come to Wimple.

Dear sweet little Wimple is a sugar-sweet ghostie who's a real sweetie (in fact she's so bloomin' sweet, she could rot your teeth from fifty feet).

She just want's to bring sunshine and happiness to all who meet her. It's just a shame that people have a habit of running away screaming from a ghost with a floaty head.

In her hand is her dolly, Whinge, the most foul-mouthed, bad tempered piece of plastic ever to wet herself and cry real tears. Or as Whinge would say, “Why don't you go stick your flaffing head right down the flaffing toilet, and keep it there until Christmas”.






This hairy fellow, Grunge, is a strange ‘un.

Nobody knows where he came from. And nobody knows what he looks like under all that hair, and frankly, if he looks like he smells, nobody wants to know.

Old mop head, as Billy likes to call him, is the strong silent type. Though, even if he was chattering away, we're not going to hear him through that hedge on his shoulders.






Next up is Tabatha, Tabby to her friends. She's a totally switched on witch for the noughties. Not like that specky wizard wannabe over at Woghorts, or whatever it's called.

She knows absolutely tons and tons of spells. Unfortunately, being a card carrying comedy witch, they almost always go wrong. Whatever you do, don't mention the incident with the blamange and the tortoise.

Also watch out for her cat Vanilla, and the little poopy pressies he likes to leave in the most unexpected of places.






Here's Eddie.

What a cry-baby. What a wuss. What a mummy's boy (These are the jokes folks).

He doesn't need those bandages. He just wears them because he's shy. Ahhh bless his little cotton socks. BLEHHHHH!!!.

Eddie and Billy are best mates. At least Eddie thinks so. Billy just likes having him around to pop a pie in his face if the mood takes him.






And finally, there's Vilma the wampire (Hey we've got to have a wampire, I mean vampire).

She can fly, which is cool, and can turn into a bat, which is sort of cool, and dresses like a six year old goth, which is either:

a. Back of the freezer between the frozen peas and burgers ice cool.

or

b. As cool as a football player's left armpit on a the hottest day of the year.

Depending upon your point of view.


I bet you're wondering if we're ever going to get to the story. Patience, my little snot machines, I still have two more characters to introduce, and they make The Horrids seem positively pleasant. But let's face it, The Pleasants isn't much of a book title.






These Wrinklies of Doom are the Parsnip sisters. Ethel and Enid. They spend their days twitching the curtains, spying on The Horrids. Ethel and Enid just don't like to see kiddie-winks having a good time, and will go to any lengths to stop them.

To aid them in their never-ending quest of fun stopping, they have a house crammed full of junk that they've hoarded over the years. They can always lay their hands on what they need. So if for instance, they see The Horrids blast of into space in that enormous spaceship with optional big bits, we were talking about earlier, Ethel and Enid can lay their hands on that old discarded space shuttle in the back garden that they've been growing tomatoes in.